Fellas :)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Ego and effect on relationship.

I got this idea from Hafiez Harun, thanks dear for this idea . so id try to research what info that i can use so i guess this what i got ! Just to share with you guys :) So let begin this with the normally question? :)

Do you guys have an ego in your relationship ? 
I bet not only in your relationship but maybe in your life and yourself right ?
There is a good side of ego and bad side of ego .
Which is which one do you have and you carry on ?
Its not wrong for you guys had an ego inside but it will kill you guys if you too much of ego .
Answer me now ,
Do you really love your partner ?
Silly question isnt ?
If you dont so why you still be with them?
What im referring to here is how much you like your partner on a deep,
In other words, are you with your partner because you share a deep connection and it actively adds to your external happiness or are you with them to feel a more complete sense of self-worth?
It is worth thinking about though if you want to know if you are going to experience real love and everlasting happiness with your partner.
There is an old saying that goes, “before you can learn to love, you must first love yourself” and this is completely true if we are actually talking about TRUE love.
So dont you ever be in relationship if you dont even know how to love yourself .
Ask yourself this if you are in a relationship… Could you live without your partner?
Would you be just as content and happy if they weren’t in your life?
Do you guys have the answer ?
Dont tell me ! keep it up with you guys :)
True love can only happen when a relationship is completely free of ego,
so it is the perfect test of your relationship’s foundations .
It may actually feel real to you but there are many instances where the ego tries to cover up this fact.
The most common instance where the ego ‘tricks’ the mind in relationships is regarding the validation one gets from being ‘in love’. 
These sorts of emotions are extremely addictive, hence why love is sometimes referred to as a drug.
The majority of arguments you will experience with your partner are almost wholly ego-orientated.
This means that they largely revolve around the ego’s desire to be RIGHT!
Yeah , hello ego person ! this is absolutely right . you guys always want to be RIGHT eventhought you guys know its not right in that situation ? am i ?
The next time you are in an argument with your partner especially if you feel they are the one who ‘started’ the argument observe how defensive you become as you feel you are being emotionally attacked.
You will almost certainly be able to feel the emotional energy building as you try and make the other person ‘wrong’ to strengthen or justify your side of the argument.
This is useful to bear in mind regarding relationships too as it embodies someone who is in CONTROL of their ego.
Being non-reactive isn’t about being an emotionless robot but it means that when someone TRIES to get a reaction out of you, you are in complete, conscious control of how you react to it.
Arguments are ALL about inciting and reacting to each other but all arguments also require two egos to exist.
The ego says, “why should I make all the effort? Why should I get chastised? I’m giving as good as I get!!”
 Keeping THAT aspect of your ego in check takes constant work!
Although arguments feel like they are ‘in the moment’,
the actual substance of them comes from past events or future decisions,
both of which are created in the mind (past memories or future projections) and both are fuelled by the ego.
The more past you have with someone, the more the past wants to crop up and the more ammunition there is for arguments, so relationships actually take MORE effort to control the ego the longer the relationship progresses.
In a sense, you have to stop judging yourself rather than judging your partner if you want to have an egoless, fulfilling relationship.
So to summarise this article, the three main instances where the ego really has an effect on a relationship are:
  • Feeling loved/validated,
  • Dealing with arguments,
  • Trying to impress your partner.
With all this in mind, how much do you think YOUR ego plays a part in your relationship?

And this i got from David Wygant  :
6ways your ego will kill your relationship .

To be able to truly love yourself and to truly be able to love someone else, you must drop the ego. This is absolutely essential to finding an amazing relationship, but it’s equally critical to maintaining and continually improving a relationship once you’re already in it.Nothing will kill a relationship (even the best of relationships) more quickly than ego. Here are 6 ways your ego can kill your relationship, and how to avoid having your ego ruin your relationship.

1.Resist The Temptation To Defend Yourself: Think about the number of times you’ve fought with a significant other, and whenever things get a little heated you start to defend yourself. All you hear is you being attacked, and you immediately go into “defending yourself” mode. Do you know that when you defend yourself in a fight, what’s really happening is your ego is defending itself.
It also means that you’ve stopped listening to the other person.  If someone tells you that they don’t like the way you’ve been acting lately, why not hear them out instead of defending yourself? It will almost always create a MUCH better outcome. 

2.To Love Yourself And Someone Else Completely You Must Separate The Ego: In order to truly love someone, you must separate your ego from yourself. This is also true if you want to be able to totally love yourself. Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world of course, so let’s get real. We are all ego-driven to some extent or another, so let’s acknowledge it and embrace that we need to separate the ego to cultivate and maintain a truly amazing relationship with someone.  
3.Your Ego Can Ruin Any Conversation: The truth is that no matter how much you prepare, plan and hope for a good conversation with your significant other, your ego is the one thing that will consistently ruin any conversation you’re about to have if you let it. 
Let’s say your significant other is frustrated with you in one way or another and really needs to express something about that to you. How do you respond? If you let your ego get involved and you defend yourself, it means that you’re not listening to them.
In order to really listen to somebody, it’s uncomfortable.  Sometimes your significant other has things that are really bothering them about which they want to talk to you, but which you would rather not hear. To maintain a great relationship, however, you can’t let your ego keep you from really listening.

4.You Have To Be Willing To Drop The Ego And Learn To Have A Healthy Relationship: If you want to really be able to get deep with someone and take your relationship to a deep level, then you need to be able to take your ego out of the equation. You will always attract somebody who is just like yourself, because you really attract who you are as a person.  Also, your significant other is going to do things that you don’t recognize.  It may be voices, patterns, communication styles or other things with which you aren’t familiar.
You need to be open and able to learn these things about your significant other, and your ego will keep you from doing this every time. All of us need to learn things about our significant other every single day.  We need to learn our significant other’s communication style, because many times your communication styles will be very different.

5.Dropping The Ego Doesn’t Mean You Need To Change Who You Are: It can take a lot for you to drop the ego, really listen to your significant other and realize that they need you say something in a different way or understand how the way you communicate may make them feel a certain way. A lot of people misunderstand these kind of requests as being their significant other’s attempt to change them. It’s not.
They’re not trying to change you, they are trying to improve the way you communicate with each other. They are trying to get the two of you to be able to communicate better than you ever have in the past. Don’t let your ego get in the way. Embrace this!  

6.Ego Causes Those “Low Blowers” Which Are The Biggest Relationship Killers: Do you get frustrated when you’re having an argument with a significant other? Of course, we all do. When that happens, though, sometimes the ego will cause you to hurl what I call “low blowers” at the other person.
You’re feeling hurt, so you lash out and say something you know will make the other person hurt too. It was not only hurtful, but inevitably something stupid. By listening to your significant other, instead of lashing out from your ego, you can get through an argument without these low blows and they will be much more constructive (and not destructive to your relationship).

So the next time you see your ego getting involved in your relationship, get rid of it! If you find yourself defending yourself or not allowing you to really listen, then you need to take a step back. Listen carefully to what’s really being said, and use it to create the most amazing relationship.

So you guys please do less your ego please ..its for your own sake .

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