Fellas :)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

" Its hurt "

Hye guys , feels like a years i didnt post anything new . 
Sorry ive been busy with my friends family and heartbreak. :)
 See, i can still smile .
 I got something to share . :)
 Please dont judge me . 


" There is one boy , suddenly private text a girl. " Hye there , can i have your #bbpin ." 
And the girl keep that message for like 2days . Never replied . Never smile . 
The next day , she reply the private text to that  boy . " Here is mine ****** :) " 
And the girl got request from him on #BBM .
And start on that day . They keep texting each other . And like always the girl easily fall in love . 
Silly isnt ? But when its come to feeling there is so unpredictable .
No one's know when we can break our heart . Happier . No one does . 
Everytime she texting with that boy . She keep smiling .The boy is out of what the girl hoping for .The boy kinda nerd and still cute . They keep contact each other .And day by day they become closer .
The girl try not to expose her feeling . But there is no way to hide our feeling isnt ? She cry sometimes when she know she not deserve that boy . She loved that boy and she know she got limit  stay closed . She know between her and that boy so different . She know better that she not deserve the boy . She try to move on and stick with other . And too bad she keep missing that boy . Love, unpredictable isnt? Its doesnt care when,who,where its just fall in love . And that what that girl feel . Sometimes she cant control her feeling . She cant control how much she loved that boy . And a lil arguement always happen . And atlast the boy still there . 
The best thing is  the girl try to make he hate her . Saying harsh words ,high voice ,accused him anything that she liked and that boy still standing there . And that make she loved him so much . 
One day she try to tell everything to that boy eventhought she already know the answer . 
She know she will cry whole day and she already prepare other guys to make her stop thinking about that boy . She's knew this is rude . But what else she can do . Humm too bad ,whatever she trying too . She still cant get over that guys . She have been like for 2 days Didnt text too much, didnt bbm too much , call , facebook . She try too control . Even inside she is dying cause actually she feels hurt and missed him like hell . Because she used to be with that boy like 24/7 . She know that boy know what she feel about him . But that boy try  not going to that topic . One day that girl trying to be honest . All because of jelousy feeling . She to jelous when that boy actually connected with other girl . While she know she even do the same .
She telling him everything about how she felt , how much she hurt , how sick she had to stay on with all of this feeling . She cant hide no more . NO LONGER . "HURT" . That what she feel .  She know she even feel hurt now when the boy . Cant accept her . NO . She not asking for him to accept her as a lover NO . She just need him to stay and be there always with her . And that what the guys do it now . The boy just cannot be in relationship now cause he just started his career . I bet she understand it . , " CINTA BARU DITOLAK " and i know she hurt and crying now . She know she shouldnt do that . But she cant control . And all comes out . Plus the boy never let her down unless put  aside about the relationship only .The boy still treating her the best he can . The best she deserved . IMISSYOU never stop come out from the boy . And that make she hurt more cause she cant permanently have him as her heart . And today , She spoke to that boy . She crying while onthephone .She know something is missing . She know she cant go on . because she loved him . She drunk that night . She drunk because she cant accept the fact is he cannot be her's. She cant controlled everything . She cant handle the thing . And she prefer to be alone . She flirt with other to make him jealous . She being so rude to him just because to make he hate her . But too bad , This boy still standing there like hoping with nothing .And that make more hurt too that girl . She feel so bad and she crying all night . Only god know how much she loved him . Only god know how much she will try so hard to changed herself to be a better women for him and her future. Only god know that she will stay with the boy even far away from her friend and family . She loved the boy . Only god know how she felt now . No one's know how she felt cause she keep in herself . She let the scar reheal by itself . She let it be even its hurt . Now the scar will be more bigger and more hurts because she gonna leaving the guys . Forever . 
Cause she not meant to be with the guys . "



And today she wrote something for that boy . 

" You , i bet you understand and you know how i feel about you. And you tahu i memang sayangkan you. You ask me to stay as a friend but sometimes you treat me so sweet and that more than a friend . You realizekan i jarang bbm you for these few day .Since malam tuh . Its hard for me too describes , I know we just met each other . And you know i cant control my feeling . You are different,kimi.Funny isnt? you are the first nerdy man that i know in my life that been so sweet and cute and im just inlove . i know you tak suka i drunk and else . I know , and malam tuh mmg i tak nak buat but then something come out from your mouth isnt? That word hurt me sayang . Humm, I cant stay actually . I cant barely to see you . I tak sanggup nak tengok muka you . Sebab i takut i tak boleh lupakan you . Sebab i sedar diri and i realize you and me are not meant together . And you are inlove with others. I know it . Dont hide from me .And you know what , dah lama i tak rasa benda ni , and ididnt wish for it. I tak nak perasaan ni pon . I taknak sayangkan you pon . But i cant stop my feeling and i cant stop everything what have done . What i can stop now its just , stop seeing you , stop calling you , stop missing you . Kimi i tau you bosan and muak dengan i . I tahu . And that hurt bila i actually terpaksa pretend everything okayy while it dont . Its hurt actually . Hurt so much . And i terpaksa pretend that i dont care tapi yang sebenarnya bagai nak mati i peduli pasal you . This ego keeping me alive . This ego sometime saving me for more hurt . Sometimes its kills me . I tau you still nak berkawan . And please bagi masa utk i sekarang utk lupakan you dari hati i . I know you annoying with this and i know you wont reply this . And i know you wont care at all . I sayang you and i nak sangat jumpa on this weekend . But trust me , Its more hurt kalau i jumpa you and i love you more and i cant even forget about you . Let me be the one with this silly face . Let me be the one with this silly feeling . All i want you to be , Stay happy and i wanna you to be happy with the one you loved . I know you will .And honey please forgive me with this annoying attitude . All i can say it hurt when i still closed with you . Malam tadi masa kita oncall , im crying lastly when you told me , " KITA KAWAN JELAHH " Its hurt me . Cause i love you more . And i cant pretend stay as your friend while i love you more than a friend . Maafkan i sebab i TERsayangkan you . Dont worry . I will stop it now . All i need you to be happy and take care of yourself for me .Please do it for me . 

ILOVEYOUKIMI.
-ell- "

: feeling its sometimes not the best thing you had .

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