Fellas :)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

This is kind of joke ?


I have single not in short time .
And there's a lot of people that i meet, that i get intouch , that i fall in love.
But no ones of them, tried so hard to make me fall in love with them
But not like now .
Suddenly, it was like accidentally , 
I have A , B , and C .
3 different person now 
That trying so hard to get closed 
And i dont even know how to make choice 
My mom say never choose just pick the one who loves you the most 
But sure thing they are love me but im not so inlove with them.

Being HONEST
IM NOT BEAUTIFUL 
And im not gonna be the one 
Dont say that " Am i pretty much for people to fall in love ? "
I never ask them too .
Beside im struggles with so many thing that too complicated
Sometimes i dont even know how life work.
Sometimes i dont even know what i really need and what i dont in my life .
Do you guys feel the same 
Im not the one with 101% of confindent 
I admit that im not .
Sometimes i stand at one place 
Tears suddenly come out 
And im askin my self ? 
What more that i should change ? 
What more that i should give ?
What more that i should learn ?
To many thing too change 
To many thing too give 
To many thing too learn 
And sometimes give you a big whole deep inside of your heart.
Did you ever think and figure out how to make it full .
Again guys , IM NOT BEAUTIFUL and IM NEVER TRYING TO GET THAT TITLLE.
Cause i know what place i am 
Cause i know what im deserve most .
People, dont judge easily 

Back to this 3guys 

Like this A , He got a good job , Never stop care about me . He love me .And i love him too .
The point is Am i deserve him ?
Wait dont comment anything yet .
Lets talk about B one.

Like B , He taking degree , He like chipsmore .But when he around he never wasted any second with me .
He will tryin so hard to make me feel better . And yea , im kinda like him.
The point is Am i deserve him?

The C guys, my exboyfriend . He annoying me ofcourse but somehow he still being so sweet and the sweet thing not really make me feel better . Only the memory remind me of everything and im appriciatte him .
And im really dont want to let him down Cause the reason we break-up before because of me . 
Im too pushy . ! :(
So is this man should be mine ? Or im deserve to him ? 

This is the normally question and reason why i so hard to being in serious relation when comes to people that love me . Cause ill think it back , "Am i the right one for him ? How if one day he left me when im give everything to him ? How if his family cant accept me ?" 
This all the reason that always be in my toplist of reason that sometimes not reasonable.
This is messy you guys know it isnt ? 
Complicated! 
And im get myself by myself in this shit.
Why wouldnt be so easy? 
Just say YES when a guys prupose me to be ? isnt ?
But im the person who think to future .
Hurt  ?
Just like my bestfriend .
That is why sometimes i hurt my self before i get hurt .
Cause like if kill my self it wouldnt be so pain and hurt so bad better than someone killed us . 
Can you imagine ? 
We just taking alot of sleeping pills and the next day we woke up 
We in HELL !
And how if we killed by someone ? 
They stabbed us like thousand pieces? 
They burn us ? 
They burried us alive ?
That more hurt 
The same situation 
Hurt my self better than hurt by someone.
So tell me again what choice that i have now ?
Give me the answer HOW ?
How im supposed handle this ?
Ouh MAN ! im sick to this .
Dont ask me to find a scandal or what .
Cause im not  that type .
Im prefer a relationship 
But too bad im scared to have one :(
C O M P L I C A T E D .
So i decide to go with flow .
Eventhough its hurt so bad 
But well 
Lynda is tough isnt ?
She can handle this isnt ? HAHA

Smile for me babe , cause when you smile other people will . :)

"The best thing about acting is that I get to lose myself in another character and actually get paid for it. It's a great outlet. As for myself, I'm not sure who I am. It seems that I change every day."- Leonardo DiCaprio

"I don't want to be a babe. I don't want vanity to ever get in the way, because I think to maintain that, you have to be aware of yourself all the time, and that gets in the way of living. My job's not to be the beautiful person. My job is to be the best person I can be.

"There is never a better measure of what a person is than what he does when he's absolutely free to choose." - William M. Bulger

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up." - Thomas Edison

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -E. M. Forster

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